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A week and a half ago, my friend Kristin told me how a friend’s father once told her (yeah, this is one of those) that one can kill a person by hitting them in the back of the neck with a phone book just the right way. It’s the perfect murder (albeit not at all glamourous) – no fingerprints.
The next day, a stack of perhaps 15 St. Louis Yellow Pages appeared in my hallway outside the rubbish chute. A few days after that, my hallway started smelling about a hundred million times worse than normal.
Let me also add that around the time Kristin told me this Vital Life Information, a building manager called to tell me Kanye would be evicted soon. He’s been gone, I’m pretty sure, for a week now at least.
Yellow Pages + bad smell + ‘evicted’ neighbor = ???
You do your math and I’ll do mine…but let me just tell you that mine adds up to a pile of decaying bodies in the now empty next-door apartment, left behind when Kanye moved out, and still not attended to because the building owners are lazy or busy or know what’s in there and are afraid to face it.
Next time — Ridiculous Walking Alone At Night Adventures #3520810480: A Small Asian Man Reads My Palm And Tells My Future.
EDIT:
Just found this on Eff My Life…think it’s a sign….
‘Today, I found out that my new neighbor who moved in 2 weeks ago has been dead in his apartment for the past 5 days. I’ve been making jokes to the other people in building that he could die and no one would know about it. FML’
My only complaint about the internship is that the bathroom soap smells pretty rank.*
The areas outside the elevators in my apartment building smell bad, too (particularly on my floor), but I think that’s proximity to the ‘rubbish’ chute, as they’re labeled.
*Mandatory (no, really) disclaimer that all views contained in this blog are solely mine and do not reflect any views of the company by which I am currently employed. Said company shall remain nameless to make my life easier.
