Nowhere
Yeah we’re going nowhere fast
Maybe this time, i’ll be yours you’ll be mine
c-c-c-crazy, get your ass in my bed
Baby you’ll be, just my summer boyfriend
Summer boy

Time to say goodbye, summertime. Fall brings the full shift into something new, a final wave out the window to where I’ve been.

I probably should have put it all together when this song ran through my head the entire month of July. Things are changing.

Honesty requested, subjects changed, and who’s to blame, really? Silence was the only answer I needed, didn’t you know? You told me everything in that moment.

I took you too seriously, and I don’t know why. You never made much sense, start to finish. I got lost in you – when did I stop thinking?

You’ll never be a notch in my bedpost – you’re more of a minor milestone. When I tick off the boys of my life, you’ll always be my thumb, the final finger to poke out. You are reduced to a short, squat digit that puts it all together and makes life as I understand it possible.

The one who was innocent and young (it’s okay – I was too).
The one who was abusive.
The one I wasn’t ready for.
The one who wasn’t ready for me…
…or the one who wasn’t a good match, to hear him tell it.
And you?
The one who doesn’t even belong on this list.

And yet, there you are. Somehow, entirely unintentionally I’m sure, you made the cut. Don’t worry; it wasn’t my plan to tack you on the end there, either. It’s three boys I loved, one close-friend-spring-fling, and you, whatever you are.

One hand to leave behind me. Five fingers of awkward first hand-holds, fumblings in the dark, lonely roadtrips back to where I left my heart, ‘I’m sorry’ flowers and cards, video games, military bases and FTXs, first sips of rum stirred in diet Pepsi, quantum physics discussions, studying in the Secret Room, soccer in the pouring rain, causing scenes in Waffle House. You driving the longest way home and saying openly (seriously? I never knew), ‘I just want to spend more time with you. Hope you don’t mind.’ What did you expect me to think with lines like that?

But I have two hands, so I have more tries.